Thursday, 14 August 2014

Message in a bottle

Message in a Bottle
WALT: show not tell
WALT: Use verbs to add interest
WALT: use the correct tense in our writing
Splash waves hit the rocks.Wood from old ships tumbles off the rocks. A shine catches my eye. I pick it up. It was a map.It said to go to Isla Sorna then Isla Nublar for something deadly it looked like a spinosaurus + t-rex + raptor + troodon = Triptor Saurus Rex it was ninety feet tall 7.5 meters long and it could be the smartest creation ever.


So I left to Isla Sorna. When I got there I was greeted by a Tyrannosaur roar. I started to shiver. “Time to get the DNA” I said. I walk through tAhe canopy floor “raptor “ I whispered to my friend Arja. He put a needle in the nyurome dart blaster .The dart hit the raptor.The raptor ran towards us then he collapsed.Thwack! The sound of a branch snapping then a loud roar of a Baryonyx “Run” Arja screamed slamp a tree collapsed. Would I survive the the site of the snapping jaws of a Baryonyx …


Schwick Arja was stabbed up by the 5 inch claw and chucked into its mouth I ran for the boat it was covered in blood and was destroyed “oh no” I said suddenly it ran through the trees but it missed me and fell onto the boat and floated out to sea. I ran to the car I brought with and got the satellite phone. Suddenly a spinosaur came out of nowhere flipping the car into a tree slam! other raptor flew out and jumped on the sail of the spinosaur .The spinosaur rips the raptors apart. I had never seen such a of a baryonyx tearing the sail of the spinosaurus back. raptor flew onto the sail.Snap snap the baryonyx tor the head of the. spinosaurus body SLAM!!! quickly i ran to the beach so i can warn people to “run!!!!” somebody screamed from the beach people we ran to the yacht and some random man turned the boats engine brrr the boat moved.


One day later we arrived at shore in san diego and we were greeted by the prime minister and i was crowned the king of the dinos. Later that day in my lab i took my DNA strands. I pushed the DNA into the egg. the egg shuddered then it cracked opened. But I didn’t time put the rest in I had Created raptor smarter than any other and more dangerous and it will always get its prey. Suddenly Roar!!! the Baryonyx smashed it way through front wall but then i realised that. the raptor was gone it had grown into its adult form it rushed through the baryonyx legs and took a bite at the leg. Snap the leg was weak and the creature fell to the ground slam!!! .the it had had died .



THE END

5 comments:

  1. Wow that's a pretty scary story!!

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  2. Wow kiddo that is a fantastic story!!! Excellent descriptive words , what is your favourite dinosaur ?

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  3. Great story Angus! What made you choose dinosaurs to write about?

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  4. Awesome story Angus and a great example of "show not tell." (Said by Aunty Shell in her best teacher voice!!)

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  5. OMG Angus - you have used some fantastic verbs in your writing!!! Super work.

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Thank-you for your positive, thoughtful, helpful comment.